The new assignment
by Revenge4Love
Summary: Integra get a propersition to work to kill vampires to for a rich guy, instead of staying in jail. I suck at summeries. My first Hellsing fic, don't flame me I know I'm crap.
1. Order 14

Hello. This is my first Hellsing fic, so try not to flame. I don't own Hellsing. Now you can't sic Alucard on me! I should get on with the fic, before I get shot. Enjoy.

The new assignment.

By Toxic Loser

Chapter one.

Alucard broke the wine glass in his hand, his blood covered his fist, dripping down. "The choice is yours," he said. Integra looked at him and then heard footsteps. 'strange', she thought. They both looked at the door as it opened. Alucard disappeared leaving his master to ponder, what if....

Walter and two other men stepped into the room. "Evening, Miss Hellsing" one of the men said. He had a crisp Russian accent, which went along with his pinstripe suit. He looked young and had black hair that contrasted his pale skin. "I have a proposition for you. I have already discussed it with Walter," he said and Walter nodded behind him.

"What kind of proposition?" asked Integra. She wondered if he was a vampire, but his eyes weren't red, but brown.

"I know, for a fact that the Hellsing Organization is used to dealing with vampires, ghouls and freaks. Am I correct?" He asked, and Integra nodded. "My proposition is you need to help me. Vampires have been terrorising staff and my company is going broke because of them. Many have been turned into ghouls. I have been hiring agents to kill them with no luck. I have been hearing of your company thought you need help. I mean it is your job to kill vampires".

"Yes it is," said Integra.

"Then excellent. If you help me, then you can get out of prison. I have discussed this with a judge and they agree it's a good idea. There is only one condition," he finished.

"Which is?" asked Integra.

"That you under house arrest and cannot leave my estate," he said. Integra gave him a strange look and nodded. 'At least I get out of prison' she thought. "Excellent. I am Roman Leonidovich Raskine and this is my business associate Daniel Diaz." The other man, now known as Daniel, nodded. He was taller than Roman, but wore the same clothes. His black hair was fairly messy and he had tanned skin and brown eyes.

"Do I have a say in this?" asked a familiar voice behind Roman making him jump round. Alucard stood there.

He gasped at the vampire, his glasses revealing his red eyes. "Vampire!" Roman yelled, pulling a gun out of his jacket. Her pulled the trigger and nothing happened. "What the hell?" he looked on the side of his gun, where someone had stuck a note saying 'Roman, your gun doesn't work.'

"Whats that?" asked Walter.

"Natasha's little trick," Roman said throwing the gun down and tearing up the note. "My sister is a lunatic. She shoots guns until they run out of bullets and then claims they're broken."

Daniel looked at Alucard and said "We shall have a briefing on the mission at the Raskine Estate. Natasha will be there. However annoying she is, don't try to kill her".

Thats just the start. I know it's crap. But it'll get better when they meet Natasha. If I make a mistake tell me! Pleeeeaassseee???????????


	2. Natasha

Hello. Thanks for the reviews. {insert boastful story here}. Before I forget and start writing, I don't own Hellsing. Now you can't sic those vampires after me!!!

The new assignment.

By Toxic Loser

Chapter two.

A few hours later had passed and they finally reached the Raskine Estate. It was a old building. The court yard was well kept and five cars were parked outside the entrance. The driver opened the door and Integra got out, gazing at her surrounds. She was hoping that Alucard hadn't been reading her thoughts on the drive there. She had been wondering about becoming a vampire.

"Natasha's car is still here," said Daniel gazing at a black Cadillac parked outside the door. "I hope she hasn't snuck away on her skateboard. It'll make you less respected," He looked at Roman, who glared back. "No offence, sir".

"None taken. It's her own fault," said Roman guesting towards the house. "Lets go inside and wait for her. It's getting dark". Integra shivered and looked at Alucard, who looked like he didn't trust Roman.

Integra crossed her arms and started towards the house. "Why is it so cold here?" she asked. Roman shrugged and opened the door.

"Ladies first," he said smiling at Integra. She gave him a hateful look and he stopped smiling. "Sorry," he muttered. Alucard followed Integra into the house giving Roman and Daniel strange glances. The door shut and a voice was heard from outside.

"Natasha." said Daniel and Roman together as the voice came closer.

"...but I could never live the way they wanted..." a female voice came from inside, she was singing "The anthem" by Good Charlotte. A sound of wheels came with her voice.

"She had to drive that stupid skateboard!" hissed Roman, hearing her voice. Alucard watched him with a slight grin 'so this is what irritates Roman' he thought.

The singing stopped at the door and....

WHAM. It sounded as if something light, but forceful hit the door.

"Open the door Daniel," sighed Roman and Daniel opened it. A girl sat at the foot of the door, her nose bleeding.

"Smashed into the door.... again," she giggled and stood up. "Where'd my board go?" She looked fairly mature, about 16 years old, she had long black hair, that looked sinister against her dark makeup, brown eyes, hidden behind strangely small glasses, fairly pale skin and a few nearly invisible pimples. She looked nothing like an aristocrat with her choice of clothes; a tank top, cargo pants and high heeled boots, all of her clothes were black.

Daniel looked around the courtyard, his eyes fell on her skate board but he only said, "Natasha, these are Roman's guests. They shall be staying here for a while. They are from Hellsing and will be here for the briefing. Sir Integral, Walter and Alucard," as he said each of their names they nodded and so did Natasha.

"Are you listening to him?" Roman asked. Natasha nodded. "Are you a giraffe?" She nodded again. Roman sighed and walked over to her. "Take those headphones out."

She nodded and looked around, finally noticing guests. She brushed her hair out of her eyes to reveal headphones in her ears. She took them out and stared around at them, "Roman, who are these wankers?" she asked with an evil grin.

Roman looked like he was going to strangle her.

Yay I finished the second chapter. I am kinda dumb. Tell me what you think, but try not to flame. I've actually got two reviews so far. They're nice. YAY! Victory dance.


	3. Phone conversations

Hi ppl. I love the reviews. I'm probably going to get bad ones this chapter, but that has more to do with today being Friday the 13th, scary. But my luck is always bad, soooo I guess it doesn't matter. Thanks to my reviews (for -duh- reviewing) and my psychopaths (for telling me stupid and yet funny ideas for the story). Enjoy.

The new assignment.

By Toxic Loser

Chapter three.

"This is Natasha," Roman said sighing. "She is my younger sister. Natasha please treat my business associates with respect".

"I know who I am. But who are these wankers?" Natasha said leaning back on the door surveying the guests with an evil grin.

"I said respect," Roman hissed at her.

"Yeah, I know. R. E. S. E. P. T," she spelled the word incorrectly.

"That spells resept," said Integra.

"Listen lady, you're blonde. Which automatically means you're dumb," snapped Natasha her grin never fading. Integra looked as if she had just been slapped.

"Natasha!" Roman started the warning.

"What?" she replied innocently.

"These people are from Hellsing. They are here to help us," he said looking at his sister. His eye twitched a bit. Alucard and Integra noticed this and exchanged glances. Alucard smiled at the fact that Roman was annoyed.

"Wow, I'm interest. No honestly, I am," Natasha said sarcastically.

"We're having a briefing in my office," Roman said looking at his sister with utter distaste. "You are coming." Natasha smiled and stuck her middle finger up at him. "You have to hear about this, if you want to live". At the word live Natasha burst out laughing. "Bloody stupid goth" he muttered under his breath.

The phone rang and Daniel picked it up. "It's for you," he said gesturing towards Natasha.

"Put them on speaker, it's probably Naruko, Seps, Multi colour or Flagboy," she said as if it were natural to call people my nicknames. Daniel pressed a button.

"Hi Peb," a voice on the other end said.

"Peb?" asked Integra.

"Yeah, It stands for Psychotic evil bitch," said Natasha. "Hi Naruko. Who else is there?"

"Seps. Schnoodle eat poodle Steph!" a voice yelled.

"Flagboy," a male voice replied.

"Do I have to?" asked the last person. When the answer was yes, she sighed and said "Multi colour here".

"Hey flagboy," Seps yelled "I vant to suck your-" WHAM

The bad Dracula impression ended there. "Thats enough out of you" said Naruko.

"It's not what you think, you didn't have to hit me with your clarinet! I mean my eyes are red. Does anyone know what that means?" Seps said angrily.

"I know, I know, I know. Pick me, me, me, memememememe!!!!" Multi colour yelled.

"Sheesh, she'll pick you if you shut up!" Natasha told Multi colour.

"It means you're high, doesn't it?" Multi colour said and burst out laughing.

"Vampires have red eyes," muttered Integra.

"Thats it!" yelled Seps. "Ding ding ding, we have a winner. And the prize is.....a new car!" WHAM

"That enough out of you"

"Ow, Naruko, why did you hit me?"

"Ummm, guys. I have vampire hunter here," said Natasha.

There was a short pause and Naruko's laughter filled the air "Thats funny. You can't kill Seps, she's more a danger to herself than to anyone else". After another short pause, everyone (but Roman, Daniel and the people from Hellsing) burst out laughing. Seps stopped laughing.

"Hey, that was about me. Thats cruelty to vampires. I'm filling a lawsuit," Seps yelled.

I finished it. Yay! I'm becoming soo famous. People on the streets are noticing me. When I go out nowadays they look at me and say "Why the hell has that chick put her underpants on her head?" Oooops. Wrong comment. Well bye.


	4. board room

I don't own anything. w00t reviews! You reviewers rock! Ummm.... what else do I have to say? Ummm.... Is this chicken or is this- Sorry, couldn't help it. Thanks to my reviewers (Sempai-san, SelfProclaimed-QueenOfDarkness and MyNebuae) and my psychos (Mostly Naruko and Multi colour). Thats it. Wow! That was long.

The new assignment.

By Toxic Loser

Chapter four.

Roman leaned over and muttered to his sister "Get your stupid friends of the phone".

On the other side of the phone everyone had burst out into laughter. "Her, with friends!" giggled Seps.

"A lot of offence ment by this, but she doesn't have any friends," Naruko laughed.

"Yeah, she's like Gollum!" Seps laughed. WHAM.

"Thats enough out of you,"

"Ow! Thats cruel. I'll get you," yelled Seps and a crash followed. "Ouch. I'm stuck. Naruko help me". Naruko burst out laughing.

"Well, buy guys. You can tell me where Seps got stuck later. Remember tomorrow," said Natasha and pressed a button to end the phone call. She then turned back to Integra. "Are all vampires really that clumsy?"

"No, they're just really annoying," Integra said glancing at Alucard.

Roman sighed. "We must really have this briefing,"

"Do I have to come?" Natasha asked.

"Yes!" Daniel and Roman, practically yelled at her. She sighed and the whole group walked, in silence to the dinning room, which looked more like a board room. In the centre it had an oval shaped table and chairs around it.

"Have a seat," Roman said to everyone. Natasha turned and started to walk out. "Get back here," he warned. Natasha sat beside Integra, who sat beside Walter, who sat beside Roman and Daniel. "Daniel, hand them out the folders".

Daniel handed out folders and everyone, except Natasha began to read. "Watch readin'?" she asked Integra looking over her shoulder.

"The folder," she sighed. "Why don't you read yours"

"Nah. I'm bored," Natasha said leaning back on her chair. CRASH! She fell of and the chair fell on her. When she noticed everyone's eyes on her, she quickly said "Ooops. My bad. I'm ok. I think." then she burst out in laughter. Roman sighed and muttered something about Natasha being stupid. "Can I go yet?"

"You can go when you have read the folder," said Roman.

"I think I've got the gist of it," she said with her evil smile.

Roman sighed and raised an eyebrow. "What is it, then?"

"Well, he's perverted," she said pointing to Alucard "She's banging her butler," she said pointing to Integra "and he only stay in this job, so he doesn't have to see his wife". She finished pointing to Walter. The three members of Hellsing looked shocked and Roman looked really annoyed.

"Natasha, can you please not tell stupid lies, about my associates," Roman hissed.

"Leave," Daniel said pointing towards the door.

"Fine," Natasha said with a slight giggle. Then she ran out of the room, laughing evilly.

"Daniel, you shouldn't have let her go! She needs to read this stuff, plus it's doing her a favour by letting her go!" Roman yelled at Daniel, who looked downtrodden. "Why did I have to have such an annoying sister". At the mention of the word sister, Integra brought her hand up to her wound.

Well thats chapter four. Chapter five is about.... Well I dunno. I haven't written it yet. BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Sorry, I've had too much caffiene. Bloody Pepsi. Wait...I love Pepsi. Why the hell is this end note soo stupid. I dunno. Tell me if you have any ideas. Me, Naruko and Multi colour can't think of everything. We're too dumb for that!


	5. Music

Ten reviews. Wow! I feel loved. I don't own anything though. But who cares! don't own that quote. I love all the positive feedback, maybe I should stop putting myself down. Nah! If I think positively things usually go bad.... unless it's Friday the 13th. My lucky day! Ummmm.... What else do I have to say? Printer is dumb. D. U. M. B. DUMB! direct quote from my computer studies teacher. Don't ask.

The new assignment.

By Toxic Loser

Chapter five.

After the briefing was over and the mission read, Alucard went to sleep and Integra looked around the new office she was appointed to. 'This place is small' Integra said walking around her new desk, looking in the draws. She walked over to a window and watched the sun rise.

"Helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllloooooooooooooo," Natasha yelled from behind Integra, making her jump. "Made you jump!"

Integra frowned. "What exactly do you want?"

"Tell that weird vampire guy that I'm having guests over tomorrow and if he tries anything, I'll sic Seps on him!" Natasha said leaning against the door. "Seps may not seem very coordinated, or very smart.....because she isn't. Ummm what was the point of that? Crap, I can't remember!"

"So you'll send an uncoordinated and stupid vampire after Alucard, what will that accomplish? Apart from her death, of course," said Integra, getting annoyed by Natasha stupidity.

A sweatdrop formed on Natasha's forehead "I'll get you next time," she said, as she attempted on turning on her heel, but fell. "Ouch," She quickly stood up, brushed herself of and walked out, giving Integra "the finger" over her shoulder.

"I hope she gets run over by a bus," mused Integra and turned back to watch more of the sunrise. She yawned and sat down on her desk. Music started to play. 'What the-' Integra thought listening and vaguely remembering that her office was next to Natasha's room.

Sure enough Natasha's voice accompanied the song "....So don't tell me anymore and I don't really wanna hear about your feet all up in the air...." Integra sat patiently waiting for the song to finish, but when it did Natasha repeated it, over and over again.

By the time it was truly morning and Roman had woken up, Integra was sitting in her office twitching. She had heard the same song over and over again for the whole time. Her office door opened and Natasha stood there.

"How did you like the song?" she asked her evil smile more sinister than yesterday.

"I've got a headache," Integra said. "I hate that song. I never want to hear it again!"

"But you will. And Integra.... Spare me the details if you don't mind," Natasha said and walked out, without falling down.

Integra sat on the floor clutching her head "And I though vampires were annoying". She watched her door open and hoped it wasn't Natasha back, again. Roman walked into her room, looking tired.

"Natasha likes her music, I forgot to mention that. Sorry," he said as he saw Integra's really annoyed look. "One more thing, I have a business meeting at five PM, so can you make sure that Natasha and her stupid evil friends don't mess up the house. I'm sorry to do this to you, after you helping my company, but Natasha and her friends are really destructive".

"Sure," sighed Integra, hoping to lock them somewhere, so they couldn't get out.

"Great, now make sure they don't get their hands on weapons, coke or popcorn," Roman warned.

"Why popcorn?" asked Integra.

"They find a destructive use for it. Very destructive," he said and walked out of her office. Integra sighed and fell asleep on her table.

Hey. I've got a pretty good idea for the sixth chapter. This one was ok, I guess. Can you guess the song? I love that song. "Now I'm not the one that was acting like a hoe, why must I be the one who has to-" Ooops. No time for singing now. Thanks, as always, to my fans, reviewers and psychopaths!


	6. Guns and sporks

I don't own anything. Nothing! Eeeeep, Alucard keep Integra back, she's trying to kill me!!! I told you, I don't anything!! NOTHING!!! More reviews rock. I like them reviews.

The new assignment.

By Toxic Loser

Chapter six.

Integra awoke to the sound of voices outside her new office. She went outside to see Alucard holding his Jackal and Natasha watching him. "Thats not a gun!" Natasha yelled hyperactively.

"Yes it is," Alucard answered.

"You call that a gun, this is a gun!" she yelled, pulling a spork out of her pocket.

"Thats not a gun. I'm not even sure what it is,"

"What time is it?" Integra asked looking around for a clock. She spotted one and saw it was six o'clock.

Alucard and Natasha ignored her. "If thats a gun, then shoot it," Alucard said.

"I will," Natasha said, picking up a tomato. She fit it onto the spork and flicked it at Integra, who yawned. SPLAT!

"Who did that!" Integra snapped at them, she rubbed tomato out of her hair until nothing was visible.

Natasha pointed at Alucard. Integra's glare was stopped by music blaring outside. "My friends are here," Natasha yelled. "Oooops. Should stop yelling. Don't mess with my friends, don't bother us and thats not a gun," she finished and ran outside to great her guests.

"It's a good look for you, master," Alucard said, grinning.

Integra yawned again, 'Why do bad things happen to me?' she thought. 'First Natasha and now my pet vampire. Just great!'.

"What did Natasha do?" asked Alucard, reading her thoughts.

She glared at him. "Stop reading my thoughts. Go read Natasha's instead", she turned and started to walk back into her office.

"I would but she doesn't think like a human.... or any human I've ever met," said Alucard, watching as Integra turn. "Blackmail, I'd never thought you would consider that," he grinned, reading her thoughts.

"Shut up. It's not blackmail, I'm just....."

"Curious, because you hate her." he grinned.

"I told you shut up. Spare me the detail if you- aaaaarrrrrgggghhhh. That song is still in my head!" Integra yelled bringing her hand up to her head. Her eye twitched, but her hand blocked the review of that "She played it 76 times, in couting."

"If you want to know what she's thinking just ask," said Alucard grinning.

"Fine! What is she thinking about?" asked Integra.

"Some song called 'Spare me the details', something called hentai, money, something called ffnet, death, violence, suicide, random swear words that have been replaced by the word pineapple, me, some guy called Mike, Stupid nicknames, rape and some other things that are really disturbing," he finished still grinning. Integra flinched at the song name.

"What-" Integra started. BANG. A gunshot ripped through the air. "It came from the living room," she said and they walked down the stairs to see what had happened. The door to the living room was unlocked and they opened it to the sound of another gunshot.

The scene inside was chaotic Natasha was holding a newly fired gun and pointing to a bowl of popcorn, spinning on one of her friends heads, her two other friends were two meters away from them, one of her other friends was balancing on the others back. The one being balanced on was coughing non-stop. "This is Multi colour," Natasha said pointing at the girl with the spinning bowl of popcorn on her head. She was short, with long brown hair, that went strangely with her different coloured eyes (one brown, one green), she wore a purple shirt, complete with tie tied around her head, black pants and black high heeled shoes.

"Remember me, I'm Naruko," said the girl called Naruko, who was standing on the fourth girls back. She was a tall girl with short blonde hair, blue eyes, that went strangely with her small amount of lip gloss, she wore a blue top, with blue jeans and a white belt, he shoes lay nearby the other girl. Naruko waved and smiled.

"This is Seps," Natasha said pointing to the coughing girl, who flicked her head up momentarily. They hadn't been lying, Seps was a vampire, with red eyes, short black hair, who wore something rather out of character (for vampires that is); a green sweater, jeans and white sneakers.

"Hey, another vamp," Naruko smiled, looking at Alucard. "Can you reach inside Seps's throat and get my Coke".

Alucard glanced at her, "It's impossible to retrieve something that is made of liquid, out of another persons throat," Integra said.

"Sure it isn't," Naruko smiled as Seps coughed more. Seps lifted her hands to her mouth and coughed one last time, before a whole bottle of coke falling into her hands. It was covered with blood and saliva, but Naruko didn't mind as she took it from Seps. Naruko gave the vampire a glare "Ahem, I had a straw!"

Seps coughed again and produced a saliva stained straw from her mouth. "Sorry," she mumbled. Naruko picked up a claranet.

WHAM! She hit Seps with it. "Thats enough out of you!"

Thanks to Naruko and Multi colour for the help. Thanks to my reviewers. The return of Natasha's stupid friends. How lovely. I'm going to write more, but I want more reviews. Sorry, but I'm greedy. Bwahahahahaha!!!!


	7. My pervertedness

Hello ppl. I'm back! That made no sense because I didn't go anywhere. I own nothing! Well this chapter is dedicated to my perverted-ness. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA- What the hell? Why did I just laugh like that? I'm not evil- well actually I am, but thats not the point! I've created a new concept if you see writing in **Bold, **it means it's an **anime action. **Like **Sweatdrop. **

The new assignment.

By Toxic Loser

Chapter seven.

"What The Hell Is Going On Here?" demanded Integra her **eye twitched.**

"Well it all started in 1842, when-" Seps began.

WHAM! "Thats enough out of you," Naruko said glaring down at the vampire.

Seps growled. "Hey Naruko, think fast," Seps said, then quickly grabbed the Coke bottle from her and posed to throw it. "I gots teh Coke!" She yelled at threw the bottle at Naruko, who jumped out of the way.

"I've got it," yelled Natasha as she loaded her gun and shot the bottle. Coke splattered on the two closest thing: Integra and the TV.

Multi colour took one glance at the TV before she realised it was pornography and fell down screaming "MY EYES, MY VIRGIN EYES!" The rest of the girls fell down laughing and Integra just stared, in shock. BZZZT. The TV switched to a different channel, where a girl was singing. Multi colour quickly uncovered her eyes and sat up, as her friends fell down clutching their ears.

"The horror! Avril Lasagne face! AAAAARRRGGHHH!" Natasha screamed and kicked the TV which broke. "Shit!"

"Peb, Ahem," Seps coughed in Integra's direction.

"Oh yeah, you can take a shower in my room and stuff. But don't snoop around!" Natasha said, throwing Integra a set of keys. "Third door on the left, up the stairs".

Integra started to walk out, Alucard followed. "Alucard, you stay here! Do what ever they say. I mean what ever they say. Just make sure that they don't get into trouble or even go out of this room. Do I make myself clear?" She said. The girls were watching Alucard with perverted, twisted and evil grins. Alucard nodded and walked over to the girls.

**Meanwhile**

Walter paced the kitchen looking to make tea. He opened a cupboard and shuffled around the products. SWISH! A part of the wall opened up and he fell though. Before Walter could do anything the opening closed. He stood up and say light. 'Where would this lead?' he though and he followed it. After a while he found himself in the air vents.

"Bloody Natasha, I'll get her for this!" Integra's voice was near. Walter went to see her standing in a room, which was not hers. She held a CD. She got **evil eyes and then looked around to see if anyone was there,** before jumping on the CD. "Die you stupid song!"

'That was weird,' Walter thought and decided to move on, as Integra didn't seem in her right mind.

**Meanwhile**

Integra, alone in Natasha's room had just finished destroying her "Offspring" CD (Spare me the details is a song by the Offspring, duh!) and finally moved on to taking a shower. Afterwards she realised that her suit was covered in Coke and smelled funny. 'Just great, I have to borrow Natasha's clothes!' she sighed and opened a cupboard. White powder burst out of the cupboard, getting all over Integra's face.

"What the hell," she mused, sniffing the stuff. "Cocaine!" she shrieked as she realised what it was. Slamming the door shut, she wiped her face and looked in Natasha's real wardrobe. 'Bloody hell, is this all the girls got'. She found all the black clothes disturbing. 'Why doesn't she have anything besides tank tops and cargo pants?'. After a few minutes of looking around Integra gave up and put on a tank top, cargo pants, with a school tie around her neck.

She walked down stairs she heard Natasha shout "I got it! Walter and Integra in the cupboard with a whip!" Laughter followed to her remark.

'Good, they're playing cludo,' Integra thought.

"Not that type of cludo!" Alucard said, hearing Integra's thoughts.

"She's outside, I know that!" Seps yelled and everyone laughed.

Integra opened the door to the living room and was shocked. It was that chaotic as last time. They five of them were holding cards and money was put in the middle.

"Wanna join?" Natasha asked. "You could help Alucard win his clothes back". The girls burst out laughing. Natasha was wearing Alucard's sunglasses, hat and cloak, while Naruko tied his tie to her head, Seps wore the white shirt he wore underneath his black one and Multi colour wore his black shirt. Alucard waved and Integra realise he only had his pants and boots on.

"You look good, master," Alucard said looking her up and down.

"Shut up, Alucard, in my office now!" She half yelled walking out the room, with him following. Once inside she closed the door and yelled "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?"

"I did as you ordered, but these girls are rather perverse," he answered calmly, smiling.

"I DIDN'T SA-" CLANG. Integra jumped forward, landing on Alucard. A part of the ceiling fell down and out of the hole that remained fell Walter.

"Sorry if I'm interrupting anything," Walter said, blushing.

"Not at all," Alucard said.

"Shut up. Nothing is going on!" Integra yelled her **eye twitching.**

Hello ppl! Lol I'm perverted. Hope you like it, thanks to all my fans, reviewers and psychopaths.


	8. Vampires and vampyrs

Hey ppl! I love my reviews. You guys rawk! Don't bag me for this chapter, coz I only met Cardia a few days ago. That was scary. Me, Naruko, Seps, Multi colour and Cardia were talking to dead ppl, then we found out the order we were going to die. I must quote Vash here; "SCARY!" We watched Hellsing and Trigun, until like 4am! I'm not sure why I'm telling my readers this, but it is SO TOTALLY COOL!!! ow, my ears. I own nuthin', zip, zero and nadda.

The new assignment.

By Toxic Loser

Chapter eight.

Integra **blushed, her eye twitching**. "Then why?" asked Walter surveying Integra dressed as Natasha and Alucard shirtless (A/N sorry, but I must do this. DROOL! that is all).

"It's a long story and it's all HER fault," Integra said and sat down at her desk, holding her head in her hands and still blushing.

"You mean Natasha," Alucard said, casually. "I like her".

"YES!" Natasha's voice came from behind the door. The doorknob turned and the girls fell out. "Seps, you bakka! I know you're stoned, but did you have to open the door!" She yelled at Seps, while they all tried to stand. Integra sighed and the phone rang. "Pick it up!" Natasha yelled bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet.

Integra gave her a **strange look **and picked up the phone "Yes, WHAT!" she said and stood up. Slamming the phone down she starred pacing. She said softly "The company is being invaded. We need to rescue him. Daniel just called me".

"Whats the catch," Naruko asked.

Integra looked glanced at Natasha "If he dies, Natasha takes over the company".

The girls looked shocked "We're all going to die!" They screamed in union, even Natasha.

"We need to bring out the big guns!" Seps said,** punching her fist into the air. **"We must call the rest of the order"

"Order?" asked Integra and the girls glanced at her weirdly.

Natasha walked over to the phone and started pressing buttons quickly. She finished and picked up the phone. "Evening, my fellow psychopaths!"

"Evening, Peb," several voices replied through speaker phone.

"General Cardia, bring the west side of the order. We need help. Come to the suits house," Seps said. "Code Buttbrain is kidnapped by vampires purple monkey dishwasher. I repeat Purple monkey dishwasher. PURPLE.... MONKEY.... DISHWASHER"

"Oh my god, purple monkey dishwasher. May god have mercy on us all!" said the girl called Cardia.

"Purple monkey dishwasher?" asked Integra, giving the girls a strange look as the phone went dead.

Natasha folded her arms and stood in front of her friends, making her seem superior to them "Yes, you have a problem with that?"

"This makes no sense-" Integra started, but her voice was blocked out by the sound of car engines, outside.

"Cardia," the girls pronounced as they walked downstairs. Natasha opened the door and leaned in the doorway.

"Yo, wad up dawgs!" a voice yelled from outside. Cardia finally walked into the light. She was a bit taller than Seps, had black, semi curly hair, brown eyes, a semi dark complexion, which went strangely with her gangster/ pimp looking clothing, complete with suit and pimp hat, with feather.

"Yo wad up Cardia!" yelled Seps. "Didja bring your gigolos?" she asked **blushing and giggling**.

Two shirt less men on leashes appeared at Cardia's sides. "Yup. Whats a P. I. .M .P without her hoes," she said and smiling.

"You're a pimp," Integra said, looking unimpressed.

Cardia shook her head sadly "No I'm not a pimp, I'm a P. I. M. P. Thats like calling Seps a vampyr, when she's really a vampire".

Alucard nodded, because he heard the different. Integra on the other hand didn't. "A vampire and a vampire is the same thing".

"No a vampyr, not a vampire!" said Alucard.

"You're not making any sense!" Integra yelled. "It's the same thing!"

"No it's not!" everyone called.

I'll end it there. Bwahahahaahahahaha, aren't I evil. The difference between a vampire and a vampyr is that vampires are new age, whilst vampyrs are olden age creatures. Cardia sounds like Kaolla Su, from Love Hina but she is a P. I. M. P. Next chapter, or a soon chapter I'll add PoliceGirl to the action. I'll also add Anderson. If you didn't get the drool in the start, I have a crush on Alucard. I really wanna see him shirtless. DROOL.


	9. Rescue mission

YAY, reviews! Well, I still don't own anything. I must quote Seps manga pic when I say "I'm so funny and smart". Then people spray me with Dr Pepper...... Don't ask. I had a dream about this fic, it was funny! Natasha is pretty much based on me except I look like a Japanese hooker. Well.... I do when I wear anything with an Integra like tie. Thing. Well enjoy.

The new assignment.

By Toxic Loser

Chapter nine.

'This arguing is giving me a head ache' Integra thought. "Fine, whats the difference between the two?" She finally demanded.

"A vampire is spelt V. A. M. P. I. R. E, but a vampyr is spelt V. A. M. P. Y. R," said Seps and everyone nodded in agreement.

'This is stupid,' Integra thought. 'I'm dressed like a stupid teenage girl, we have no weapons and these girls aren't probably going to help!'

"What do you mean, we have no weapons? We have our mag-agickal powers, of the Order of the moo cow!" Seps yelled punching a fist in the air.

"Observe," said Naruko as she threw her clarinet into the air and yelled "Clarinet no good!". The clarinet disappeared in a flash of purple light and was replaced by a guitar. Naruko caught the guitar and hit Seps with it. "That enough out of you".

"And you can all do this?" asked Walter.

"No, we all have different powers," a familiar voice yelled out.

"Neko-chan," the teenage girls called out as Seras Victoria stepped into the light. "Sorry, but the car broke down and you'll have to drive us".

"Us?" asked Integra.

"Me and Pip. He's the one that drove us here, but the car broke down," Seras explained and Pip walked over.

"How do you know each other?" Integra asked Seras.

Cardia took a step forward and smiled "I can answer dat one," she said. "We were all in Poser high together and y'all knows every high school must have a P. I. M. P. I was the one for dat school, but I was nearly suspended for flippin' de bird, so I started teaching Seras to be one".

Seras nodded, "Hows everyone doing?" She asked.

"Good, but we must rescue Roman, or else," said Integra, icily.

Cardia glanced at Seras "Neko-chan, do you still know how to transform?" she asked.

Seras nodded and they yelled, together "Pimps away!" A cloud of white light surrounded them and when it had faded they were both wearing suits, complete with P. I. M . P hats.

Integra crossed her arms and looked at their suits with envy, "I thought you weren't pimps".

"It's jus' a sayin', duh! Gurl yo need a man," Cardia exclaimed and Integra **blushed**

"I have no idea whats going on," Pip said.

'I'd have never figured Police girl to be a P. I. M. P. For one thing, it's illegal and for another she seems too innocent,' thought Alucard.

Multi colour looked around and asked "Do I have to do my transformation, it's stupid and bullshit."

As she said bullshit roller-skates came out the bottom of Integra's and Natasha's shoes. They both fell and landed wearing the usual tank top, but instead of cargos they were both wearing miniskirts. Integra looked down and pulled her mini down and Natasha sat their watching her. "This way better than TV," she said.

"I shouldn't have said shit, it's your trigger word," said Multi colour. She sighed, "Like mine in book," a book appeared floating in front of her.

"Yeah, your transformation is really lame. Mine is way cool," exclaimed Seps boucing up and down on the tip of her toes. "Kyu-kets-ki" she yelled (a/n spelt kyuketsuki) and disappeared.

Integra tried to pull herself up on the thing nearest her, which was Alucard. But he disappeared with Seps, causing Integra to fall and pull her skirt down again. "Where-" she started, but the two vampires appeared in front of the group, holding their left shoes. They threw the shoes away and 10m later the shoes exploded. "What the hell was that?" Integra yelled.

"The transformations are complete. We must now go and rescue my brother, for the sake that if I take over the company everyone will be so totally screwed!" Natasha yelled. "Seps you take Multicolor, Naruko, Alucard and Walter in my Cadillac," she said throwing Seps her keys "Cardia you can take your two hoes, plus Neko-chan and the other guy. Me and Integra can take my motorcycle".

She finished and walked over to an object covered by material. "What is-" Integra started, but Natasha pulled of the cover to reveal a black Harley motorcycle.

Natasha threw Integra a helmet and said "Get on," as she swung a leg on.

"You're a little young to drive that thing," Integra commented dryly, **swallowing in fear.**

"Don't worry, I've been driving this thing for almost 4 years," Natasha said smiling and putting on a helmet. Integra got on cautiously and Natasha revved up the engine. "Take your feet of the ground and hold on," she warned and Integra did. With one last rev of the engine Natasha took of. Speeding, with Integra holding on for dear life!

Well, what do you think? I'm gunna put Anderson in the next chapter. I hope. I'm not sure why, but I like Anderson, but not as much as Alucard. Anderson and Alucard have exactly the same shoes. If you add them together, you get Vash, from Trigun. I love my reviews. You guys are so funny and smart. By the way kyuketsuki means vampire in Japanese. Flippin' de bird means to put your middle finger up at someone. Neko-chan means little kitten in Japanese, which was Seras Japanese nickname. It pays to watching Hellsing in Japanese.


	10. More familiar faces

Wow! Ten chapters! This is the longest story I've ever written. I love Hellsing so much, though. If I miss descriptive things about riding a motorcycle, then tell me. Pathetic, I can write really descriptive paragraphs about smoking, but riding motorcycles...... I'm not that good at. Must be my age..... and the fact that I smoke. I don't own Hellsing. I wish I did though. But I don't, because I'm not Japanese and I can't draw..... well.

The new assignment.

By Toxic Loser

Chapter ten.

The motorcycle sped out of the courtyard, with cars following, slowly, behind it. Integra held on tightly as Natasha sped the motorcycle in between cars. After a minute or so they came to a traffic light. Natasha stoped, by putting one foot on the ground. Integra clutched onto the teenager, thinking Natasha might decide to take of at any moment.

"Hey, look at the two chicks," a guy in a nearby sports cars said leering at them.

'This is embarrassing,' Integra thought, still holding on tightly. 'Please don't let her do anything stupid'. Natasha put up her middle finger at the guy and revved up the engine again. 'That isn't goo-' Integra barely finished her thought as Natasha sped the bike of into a red light. She passed the turning cars began laughing.

"Scared are we?" Natasha said, barely audible to Integra.

Integra held on a closed her eyes. 'Those dangerous stunts could have got us killed and that bitch still has time to laugh. I won't say anything. She won't provoke me!' She told herself. Natasha sped the bike up, passing several red lights as they travelled. After what seemed to be an eternity, Natasha stopped.

"Do you feel well?" she asked, smiling as she took of her helmet.

Integra took of her helmet, but didn't admit to Natasha that she was feeling sick. "Of course not!" she said. "Where are the others?" She glanced around.

"They'll be here soon enough," Natasha said and slid off the motorcycle. She steadied herself on a nearby pole and then skated over to entrance. "Are you coming?"

Integra nodded and slid of the bike. She then fell catching herself on the same pole Natasha had used. Laughter was heard from a nearby car.... Familiar laughter.

"I'd have never seen this coming," a familiar voice leered at Integra. The door of the car opened and Enrico Maxwell stepped out.

Integra tugged her skirt down and glared at him, "What exactly is your business here?"

Before he could answer, Natasha stepped in. "Maxwell, how nice to see you again," then she added an evil laugh. Enrico, took one frightened glance at her and took a step back.

"Y- you-you-" he stuttered, as Integra watched. She was rather enjoying this.

Natasha took a glide forward and said, "Yes, me," Enrico Maxwell got into the car and it drove away.

Integra smiled and glanced at Natasha, "How do you two know each other?"

"Lets just say-" she started, but her sentence was delayed by the arrival of the others. Alucard was back to wearing his usual red attire (a/n Is really disappointed) and Seps was dressed as a person from the Matrix (a/n I've always liked those costumes).

"Lets go," Naruko said, holding her guitar up to the sky. Then they all walked up to the front door. WHAM! Naruko whacked the door with her guitar, which opened it.

"Daniel said that they were being held hostage on the tenth floor," Integra said, looking around the blood stained lobby.

Natasha smiled evilly. "I know where everything is in this place. Follow me," she said and led them to a lift. She pressed the button. CRASH! It sounded as if the lift cables had failed and the lift fell. "Damn, lets take the stairs," she said and marched up the stairs holding the rail carefully as to not fall.

'How does she manage to do all this stuff, wearing roller-skates?' Integra thought, her skates slipping and missing the stair again. Lucky for her Walter was helping her. 'At least she's not here to make fun of me'.

Finally, after several minutes and multiple slips from Integra, they reached the tenth floor. They walked through a bloody corridor, with torn paintings and the dust of freak corpses. "Why haven't we met a single vampire here?" asked Seras as everyone else shrugged.

Integra glanced around and something shiny caught her attention; it was a bayonet. "I know why we haven't seen a vampire and why Maxwell was standing outside this building," she said, making everyone turn around and stare at the bayonet.

Alucard took out his guns "I was wondering the next time we'd meet". He said as the girls eyed him with perverse grins.

A door on their left opened and a figure emerged. The figure of Alexander Anderson. "I swore I'd kill you vampire and I will," he said looking at Alucard. His gaze then wandered around the group. It stopped on Natasha. "You!" he yelled.

Natasha grinned evilly. "Yes me?" she asked, teasingly. Anderson dropped the two bayonets he was holding and sank down onto the floor.

"Not again, not her, not again," he started to mumble to himself, hugging his knees and rocking back and forwards, muttering.

I love this chapter, because Anderson. I like his shoes. Why would you actually want a glow in the dark cross? Well I'm going on a vacation and will update more on this story when I get back. I hate Sydney. Nothing good happens. Sooo lame. I wish I was going to Japan. I LOVE SUSHI!


	11. Ouija boards and Wicca

Well hello again people. Sydney, as usual, sucked. I scared a lot of people by randomly blabbing about how SO TOTALLY COOL Alucard is. Well he is. Then I got bored and went smoking at the park. All in all, Sydney is only fun for smoking Hellsing fans. I don't own Hellsing, I wish I did.... all the posobilities.

The new assignment.

By Toxic Loser

Chapter eleven.

Integra gazed at Anderson and back to Natasha, "How the hell do you two know each other and why the hell is he frightened by a stupid teenage girl?"

Alucard smiled and walked over to the paladin, "I'm pretty impressed". Anderson did the usual disappear in a bunch of papers thing.

"Lets just say they have a bad assumption of me," Natasha said mischievously and took a step forward.

Integra grabbed her arm and said, "What assumption and how did they get it? Why is the infamous Iscariot XIII afraid of you?"

Natasha smiled, "They have this strange assumption of me being Satan".

"I remember you telling us that story," Seps said to many nods and agreeing words. "Tell them".

"Fine," said Natasha brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, "When I was 12, my brother took me to Rome for he had a business trip there. Me being the bored chick that I was drew runes and pentacle of my arm for the whole of the plane trip, there. After we got there I went shopping and bought myself a ouija board. I was walking back to the hotel, when I noticed a Catholic orphanage nearby. So I decided to scare a few Catholic, me being a Wiccan as it is-"

"Bad idea!" Seps said and was shouted at by Naruko.

Natasha smiled, "That priest dude, Anderson and Maxwell came out and told the boys who I was trying to scare it was dinner time. So I said, "Have any of youse tried a ouija board". They looked at me and told me that they didn't believe in such rubbish. So I bugged them until they all put their index fingers on the cup thing, that shows you the letters and stuff. It went down hill from there". Natasha shrugged.

"You really shouldn't have done that," Multi colour said.

"I know, but how was I to know that he was going to get possessed!" Natasha said, shrugging it of like it was no big deal.

"Wait, who got possessed?" Walter asked.

"One of the kids, apparently," Seps said.

Natasha smiled, "What happened afterwards didn't help at all," she said and the girls smiled. "I walked away and went back to the hotel, not knowing that the kid, I think his name was James or something, but anyway he was possessed later. This is when you guys came in".

Multi colour smiled "I remember, that Anderson guy came into Romans suit to complain about his sister, being the evil bitch that she was. The bad thing was, we were having a small coven meeting; in other words, we had managed to make things levitate, by using our combined powers".

"That was pretty cool," Cardia said, dropping the P. I. M. P manner.

"Yeah, but it scared the shit outta me!" Seps agreed.

Naruko giggled, "Dude your supposed to be a vampire and you scare too easily!"

Multi colour continued, "Well, when seeing the crap we were doing, that priest dude screamed and all the stuff fell. So we all pointed at Peb, knowing she would get into trouble. Thats-well, because she's Peb, right."

Natasha took over, "and his mind must have summed everything up. In that morons mind the runes were devils signs, so was the pentacle, I had set a ouija board demon on someone and I could do black magic. So to sum it all up, Iscariot XIII think I'm the devil!"

"You should have corrected them on that," Integra said, completely unimpressed.

Alucard smiled, "No, it's interesting to see the Vatican's slaves being frightened of a person younger then them".

"Thats not the only other wrong assumptions about you, Peb," Multi colour hissed to Natasha.

She smiled and said, "63 of the morons in Poser high think I'm a vampire, 38 think my name is Raven, Anita or Frankee, 99.999999 hate me, 28 think I'm a werewolf, 2 actually know I'm human, 5 think I've never been a Wiccan, 85 fear me because I set Emma on fire and 100 of them think my want for a psychiatrist should be fulfilled. Interesting how peoples minds work. Lets continue this conversation later, I really don't want to take over the company". With a smiled, she marched up to the front line and picked up a bayonet.

What do you think. Second last chapter, w00t! I can't wait to finish this story. I've got another idea in my mind and I really wanna write it, but if I do I'll forget this fic. So I'll finish this one and then I'll write again. I've already typed the first chapter of my other story.

To Senpai-san : Steve says hi. So do the crocodiles. Note to self: talking to crocodiles can resort in amputation

To LadyAkki45: Can I see the pictures? They would look kewl. I can't draw, and it's embarrassing.

To PsychoSmile99: No, sadly I don't have fangs. I wish I did, that would be kewl.

To SelfProclaimed-QueenOfDarkness: It is. Australia is the weird island on near the bottom of the globe, though.

To any of my psychos who don't review: Review or else I'll hunt you down. Nice aren't I?


	12. END

I'm back with the last chapter. It's been a while since I wrote, but now schools started. Ah the joys of being the most unpopular girl at school. But on the plus side, today we dissected a rat. A boy in my class called Rikki, skinned his rat and I was laughing so hard. Everyone thought I was strange, especially when I cut my rats tail of. Alas I had to share the rat with my arch nemesis; Stephanie "FISH" Beig, who is NOT Seps, cause Seps rawks and she doesn't. I don't own Hellsing!

The new assignment.

By Toxic Loser

Chapter twelve.

"I want to get this done as quickly as possible, so lets go," Natasha said opening the door in front of them. A ghoul dived for her, but Natasha sliced it's head of.

Taking a step over the pile of dust Integra asked, "Where did you learn how to use weapons?"

Natasha turned and with a twisted smile said, "I didn't learn it anywhere, it's just so easy. Like dissecting a rat". She laughed and walked on. As they entered the next room they realized that Anderson had take out most of the ghouls, but some were still left. Gunfire came from the jackal, casual, Seras's gun, Pips gun and, for some strange reason, the of end Naruko's guitar.

They walked on, past the piles of ghoul dust and bayonets, until they reached a wooden door, "I know this place," Seps commented.

Natasha smiled, "Seps, this is my Flagboys office, you've been here like fifty times!" Everyone burst out laughing, but soon regained themselves. "This must be where the hostages are." Natasha kicked the door open and held up her bayonet.

"I've been awaiting you," a female voice said from a corner of the dark room. The lights switched on and they all saw another teenage girl sitting on a table, in front of her the hostages sat tied up.

Natasha took a step forward and held out her bayonet, ready for battle, "I should have known it was you, FISH!" She yelled. The girl called Fish looked younger than Natasha and had blonde hair. She wore a pink dress, complete with sandals and nail polish.

Seps glared at Fish, "So we meet again, Freak-Vampire-Slut!" She yelled as a bolt of energy erupted from a computer.

Fish laughed, "You came here to rescue, but I shall kill you".

"You'll fail," Natasha spat at her. As the Hellsing characters watched the fight.

Fish laughed again, "If I do, this whole building shall catch on fire". She laughed again as Natasha ran to her a slapped her in the face.

Integra smiled, 'This must be who really annoys her..... What am I thinking, we're supposed to be helping Natasha' she mused to herself as she steadied herself on a table.

"I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!" Natasha shouted raising her bayonet into the air.

Fish smiled, "Challenge accepte-" but it was to late, Natasha had dived for her, but missing Fish with the bayonet. "You'll have to do better than that, bitch!" She shouted at Natasha who regained control and lunged for Fish again. This time her aim was better. She had managed to cut part of Fish's arm and it started bleeding.

Natasha raised the bloody bayonet to her lips and licked the blood, "No.... you'll have to do better than that!"

'Did she just?' 'Is she really human?' 'Why did she do that?' were the questions racing through the Hellsing characters minds as they watched Natasha's fight.

Seras winced, "That was strange," then noticing the tied up hostages she added "Lets untie them while Peb fights, this usually takes a while". Everyone nodded and began untying them.

Meanwhile another bolt of electricity came out of the computer and a small fire started burning a desk, noticing this Roman said, "Thank you for helping me, but you should really pay attention to that fire". Integra took one glance at the fire and took a step back.

"Death to you stupid Freak chipped vampire bitch!" Natasha yelled at Fish. The two of them were standing on top of a desk lunging at each other. Natasha had the upper hand, because she had now torn half of Fish's arm of and only had one bruise herself.

"I'll see you burn in hell before me," Fish dived at Natasha, swinging a pen. Natasha jumped down from the desk and Fish sailed over her head, out of an open window.

Natasha looked outside and saw the freak vampire on the pavement, "Burn in hell, bitch". She smiled and ran over to help untie the hostages.

Seps was fusing over her boyfriend, Flagboy, as Natasha finally came to them. "Hey Peb, one question. Did you really lick that bitches blood?" She asked as Natasha sat down beside her.

Natasha smiled and handed her the bayonet, "Her blood was on the right side, and I licked the left side." She said with a giggle. Roman looked at her and smiled.

He then turned to Integra and said, "You have well and for this I am going to make sure that they let you out of prison. I'll just make the call now". With that he took out a small black phone and dialled a number. He said a few words to the person on the other side and then turned his phone of, "You're now free".

Integra smiled, "Thank you," she then stood up and walked out. Looking around she saw that no-one had followed her. She took one step down the stairs and slipped. Missing the railings an arm caught her. She looked up to see Alucard with a smile playing on his face.

"So whats it going to be?" he asked, holding the same bayonet Natasha had, pressing it into his hand and drawing blood.

A/N This was the last chapter. Kewl Isn't it...... Well maybe not. I still like it! I have one more thing to confess; Natasha is based loosely around me. I'm her without the Cadillac, motorcycle, magic abilities and bayonets.


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